nads birthday today. kinda fun i guess. haha.

have a happy, happy bithday! ((:

hmm, i hafta go.

pictures tomorrow.

see, i've been keeping to my promise of being a lil' angel. even though i have embarassing pictures of her, i'm not posting it up! ((: oh yeah. and she wore that ugly skirt again today. she should just burn it away. she will be doing mankind a favor then. anyways, now, all i have to do is to live up to my other promise: to study hard. you know how difficult is that?

anyways, went to parkway today with steven, wileen and caleen today. had tonnes of fun. ((:
though i still need some crazy things to do, but ya know, i don't think i am as crazy as the last time tho. hmm, anyways, here are some of the photos. enjoy!

we were so couple-ly- according to wileen.


retards; but cute none the less.


oh yeah. and caleen was super duper retardedish at coffee bean today. i was laughing my guts out. no kidding.


and the puny lil' picture of her fav korean actor.

sorry for the blurry pic, she was swaying.

oh yeah, and she's greedy too! ((:
note the straws.


okay, you know the toilet at B1, the one near gramophone, there's the mothercare-ish unit right? there's this breast feeding room there, and caleen and i started cam-whoring. then, all of a sudden, someone knoked on the door, asking if anyone was there. i tell you, me and caleen had the total shock of our lives, and we immediately kept quiet. then she called out, the unknown lady i mean, "is anyone in there" then, i think supposedly to her husband or someone, "oh men suo", which means the dorr is locked. i tell you after they left, i wanted to laugh so badly. and we were trying to get out of there, but then, there was this pw staff washing god knows what, and he was taking so long. so, me and caleen were like shit! and, we launched our great escape plan. i tell you; it was bloody hilarious. we were absolutely hysterical!. oh my, how retarded could we get? ((:

ain't this cute?


pouty lips!




she was doing what you think she's doing.


me! ((:
LOOK AT THE EYEBAGS YO! OMG!!!


caleen; i leave you to think whatever you wanna think.




HAHA. ridiculous! ((:


normal again.

and i was purposely smiling like a complete dork.

i adore this photograph! ((:


okay, this is the part when we were waiting to get out. i was on the look out. HAHA.


once we finally got out, i burst out laughing, then we headed to gramophone. ooo, i want so many cds! would someone be a doll and get it, so i can rip them off you? *smiles inresistably sweet* haha. then, we headed to sakae to meet steven, wileen and shirley. oh yeah, and mwen too.

them.


mwen...


and her pouty lips.


that's all folks.
buhbye!

this is supposed to be yesterday's entry.

i don't know how much more of this i can take. my heart breaks everytime. every single time. and everytime i say it's gonna be the last time, the last time i will cry, the last time my already broken heart breaks again, there goes everthing out the window. i start to cry, my heart starts to break, and i wonder if it will ever be whole again. i'm wondering, are you trying to threaten me into submission? i really don't know, and i have no idea whether it's working or not, but whatever it is, i really have no idea how much more of this torture i can take from you. you and your unsensitive remarks and comments, you not caring at all, you just looking at everything on the surface, you and your cold, cold loose hugs, you not loving me, it just breaks my heart every single time you blame me and say those stuff to me, you misjudging me and judging me, even though you have no right to. i really want to patch the pieces of my heart, without it breaking again.

but the thing is, i don't know how.

-

anyways, i have to write that letter over the weekend, i really need to patch things up with her, even though i don't need to, but, i guess, it's kinda the right thing to do, even though she doesn't deserve it at all.

see, i'm that nice.

okay, anyways, i had detention today. with miss goh. the evil one. i was almost eaten alive by her i tell you! and, her watch is ten minutes fast! i reached there on time and she said i was late! i was on time damnit. and she said i had four more hours to fill! WHAT?? no way!

then, went to study after biology stars today with caleen. mz and muhd joined us later. and we played this stupid little game of truth or dare. then, we walked home. very interesting conversation, and i have no idea whether i will actually do it, but, maybe i will. but i have no idea. i really don't. haha.

okay, here are some pictures.

during the biology practical yesterday.
monkey business.


this actually ain't half bad.


all of us.


loves it!

OH MY! look at my eyebags!

caleen should seriously stop acting cute. ((:


this is much better.


lastly, mz and i.


that's bout it.
ttyl.

talk bout cruel and unusual punishments. had to run i think eight rounds today. irritating.

then, during biology, we had to do something with hundreds of small seeds. can you imagine the strain in my eyes and the cramps in my neck. toture i tell you.

anyways, i don't really feel like blogging.

so, bye.

it's time for a truce.
really.
it's for the absolute best. cause, i don't know how much of this nonsense i can take. i really don't. so, i'mma gonna write her a letter with all that shit thatme and xuan talked bout yesterday. i'm gonna be her perfect little angel. ((:
so, don't laugh when you see me comming to school like a dork. and forgive me for being childish the past few days. i really needed to rant. and, i'm sorry for being such a bitch.

Me Estoy Enamorando by Alejandro Fernandez. i love this song. i can't get it out of my mind.
and Sogno, Canto Della Terra and the Prayer by Andrea Bocelli. i don't know why. but, i just love these songs of a language that i completely don't understand. i mean, it's just so beautiful ya know. i mean, when you translate these words to english, it loses all of its beauty, but, you get the meaning, but it still kinda don't make sense. i know, many of you don't like to hear these kinda songs, but, yeah, whatev. haha.

my friend told me this:
that there will come a time in any player's life when he//she will be played, by someone less worthy.
well, i can't help but to agree. to the fullest. this has only be once, and for those of you out there, who do know that awfully vivid period of time. and, first hand here, let me apologize. well, Why should we allow ourselves to be fucked over by people we wouldn't normally want under other circumstances? well, we SHOULDN'T. yeah, i'm being a snob. but, yeah. i somehow just can't stand inferiority, especially me being involved in it. i know this is me being sucha bitch, but i don't know if i can put myself through that again.

hmm, i think, somehow, i definitely have changed.
ooo, how much help do i need this time?
-

anyways, v'been helping out for the class performance for teachers' day, tho evil thoughts are passing through my mind every minute, i guess, i have to be good, like i said earlier, i will be the innocent lil' bumbum. haha.

i guess it's photo time. since, i'm really feeling crazy, and i really wanna be crazy again, tho, i can't find someone who would go crazy with me, i shall settle for the photos when jac and i went absolutely bonkers. i know, let's play truth or dare again! ((:

ya know, it's bad luck to open umbrellas indoors?




true feminists at heart.

meiwen's lousy at taking photographs.


self-explainatory. something only she can think of.


retarded.




the nip-pler and the wannabe dracula.

instant hair.


love; loves.


just for kicks.

you so totally don't see roanny acting "seductive" there.

i miss you, and all the best yeah.

hmm, i'm off to study.

xoxo.

I don’t understand why does this past came, that I thought I left behind keep coming after me, closer each time. Why does the days of yesterday haunt me. Do they want to run me down? I think, I’m reaching past breaking point. It’s gonna be soon, real soon. I really want to leave this past behind, yet somehow, it comes running after me, like bees to nectar. I can’t just leave it behind, can’t i. is it some kind of clause, that once, just that one time, that you get into it, that you can’t forget, and, it keeps running after you. I just don’t get it. I don’t know much I can take any more.

Another thing is that, for the yous out there, you have no idea what you have unleashed. You have absolutely no idea the consequences of your actions. You think it’s just so simple to just pick up the phone and call, but do you what goes on after? Underneath it all? You are just making it much more tougher for me. Crashing down on me. The monsters of the past, present and future. You just don’t know what goes on, so don’t pretend. I know, I pretend too. That everything’s just fine and dandy. But, well, as I say, superficiality baby. I just don’t want anything inside get out. Heard of not hanging your dirty laundry out? Well, it’s the same concept. You’ve seen me break down, that only one time, and you can’t just judge me by that. You think my tears are for you? Puh-lease! There’s so much you don’t know. You think I have an attitude problem, how bout you? So yeah. Judge yourself first, before you judge others. You have much worse of an attitude problem than I have, so, why don’t you fix yourself first. Do others a favor, and do that, before you stick your fat lil arse, fat arms and booblessness into other peoples’ business. They ain’t needing your help, nor asking for it.

Thankyouverymuch.

-

I cooked today. Something bout cooking and baking that calms the soul. God man, I sound like an ad campaign for the Stepford Wives and Betty Crocker all put into one. I don’t know. But, it gives me a sense of pleasure of seeing my perfect outcome of a dish//cake//so on and so forth, I mean, it’s like something I know and able to control for once, so yeah.

No me abandones así hablando sólo de ti.

Ven y devuelveme al fin la sonrisa que se fue.

Una vez más tocar tu piel el hondo suspirar.

Recuperemos lo que se ha perdido.

Regresa a mí,

quéreme otra vez,

borra el dolor que al irte me dio

cuando te separaste de mí.

Dime que sí

Ya no quiero llorar,

regresa a mí.

Extraño el amor que se fue,

extraña la dicha también.

Quiero que vengas a mí y me vuelvas s querer.

No puedo más si tú no estás, tienes que llegar.

Mi vida se apaga sin ti a mi lado.
Regresa a mí,

quéreme otra vez,

borra el dolor que al irte me dio cuando

te separaste de mí.

Dime que sí

Ya no quiero llorar,

regresa a mí.

i just love this song, especially in italiano. loves it! ((:

i love you all to bits. i miss you baby. surprise us! ((: take lotsa care. loves.

you can't imagine how happy i am that my father's out of town. after that friday, i tell you, words can't express how happy i am. speaking bout friday, i was late, but i don't know only how many minutes, but, it's definitely not more than ten, the school gave the stupid punishment of walking//running rounds. wth? okay, anyways, as usual, i was there when this kinda stupid stuff comes arond. ya know, i can never have a normal late day of just standing there during reading period and going back to class after that. it's always that teacher-student councilling shit. god. and, then comes miss chua, with that stupid "dao" face and her stupid rolling of eyes. i tell you, what she did in class on friday was seriously childish. shit happens alright! it does. AND IT'S ONLY ONE BLOODY TIME. okay, with that aside, if councilling means shouting at your students, with your saliva spitting all about, in front of the other students, well, that's really warped. that's the second time. the first time was when she just came in rolled her eyes at us, and went on to flirt with the other male teachers. well, i'm sorry for her husband to be then. anyways, that's councilling. i mean, mr rahmat, said that he has to install this kinda punishment cause we take advantage of the teachers, and their councilling. i have to say, what can you take advantage of with that kinda councilling. it's a lil' brainless don'tcha think so? god. then, i have to question her ethics, or lack there of. plus, okay, then, the school's new policies on being late. ain't that a charm? it's is so brainless and makes no sense at all. what nonsense that once it's after 9, you can't come into school without your parents even tho you have a doctor's letter//mc, whatever. i can't remember the others, but they were equally retarded.

anyways, i'm thinking, that not only does miss chua has a serious lack of fashion sense, she has to do something of her visible panty line. but, with that tight skirt and so on, i don't think however seemless or tight//big the thong i'm planning to give her for teachers' day can help. and, i think i'm also gonna give her an underwire pushup bra for her kack of cleavage department. well, someone has to do something about it.

-

on a lighter note, maggie q is super fine yo! she's gorgeous i tell you. hotness.

okay, i know that was super random, but ya know whatev.

okay, i don't think i'm making any sense at all. so yeah. i'm off.

manda.

fuck this.

fuck miss chua.

and her stupid childish attitude. bloody immature.

and, i know that this is also kinda immature to be saying all of this here,

but, i will, when the time comes, and after she writes my testimonial so i can get into a good school after my o's. she's a bitch man.

fuck everything.

more tmr, when i have the time.

went out with mazuindah and the guys today. had a really great time! haha. stuff that i never imagine that i will do like speed walking and running through suntec, citylink mall and the shaw brothers tower. but, it was exhilarating; and, i really had a good time. i thoroughly enjoyed myself.

caught pirates of the caribbean. it's real good. and it was absolutely hilarious. and at some parts real anti-climatic. but, it was all good. the part i didn't like, is that i have to wait for the next one. and, it's not as nice as the first one though. and, you they said that there's some more clips at the end of the credits, well, i say, don't bother, cause it was absolutely redundant. really retarded.

well, this is really wierd. okay, the wierd word is back. haha. but, i feel a some what sinking feeling in my heart. and. i don't know.. i don't know how to discribe how i'm feeling. i think a little like last time when i did all those stupid and retarded stuff. but, not as bad. i stood down there in the shower thinking just now, i had extremely hot water pouring down on my body, yet i feel nothing, this is when i was deep in thought tho, cause, when my thoughts erupted, i got shock from that hot, hot water. there really is something going on with me, and, i don't know what it is. i need help.

thank you for coming to my rescue yet again,

manda.

i don't know what to say. i don't know what to think. i have no idea of anything anymore.

anyways. i have to say that i don't know what i was doing, or how i was somehow different just now. whatever it is. if i did anything wrong at all, i'm sorry. i really am. and, i don't even know what i'm saying sorry for. what's this?

i have no idea what's wrong with me. i'm so wierd today. especially with the walk home today. i was such a loner, but it was good. it gave me time to think, time to reflect. thanks for worrying. and thanks for "saving" my life muhd. ya know, i don't know what happened just now. i blanked. i think i saw the car, i think i did at least. but, i don't know. there were so many thoughts running through my mind. and, i guess, to many things jumbled up really screws you up. but, after that, i did pay attention to the road. but, thank you guys for worrying.

ya know. i have no idea what i'm doing with my life right now. it's spiralling way down. all the things that i want to accomplished, ain't getting done. but i thank you, i thank you, for showing me the way once again. i'm sorry. i'm sorry for the wrong things i've done. i'm sorry for hurting you. i'm sorry. i know that you will forgive me. but, i shouldn't have those things. no one can ever replace you. no one. i love you. thank you for showering me with unconditional and overpowering love. yet i've done nothing but pushing you away and hurting you. i'm sorry.

-

i have no idea why felt those ways. what came over me, i don't know. but, all i know, is that, i've been hurt by your actions. and, i will pretend that i never knew anything at all, and just move on with my life. things are different, face it. i don't think it will ever be the same again. ever. i'm sorry, but how i misjudged you. never ever again. never ever again will i be that easy. will i be that simple. never, never, ever again. that i promise.

-

somehow, i'm heartbroken. but, i don't know by what. maybe it's just all the guilt. all the lies that i've been hiding behind. well, maybe not actual lies, but, the stuff that i've kept hidden. the superficiality of who i am. i've been hiding, behind this mask. and, i guess, i'm beginning to crack. but, i'm not going to say it. i don't think i would. i've heard all the testimonies, i have heard what all of you have to say. so, i will never say it. i'm sorry for that too. i know you three care alot for me. i know that you three are the closest i have, the dearest to me; but, no matter how un-judgemental you are, you will be, to some extent. and, i've tried to tell, not to you three, but to another, well, they didn't believe me. so, whatever it is, i think i'm just going to keep my mouth shut.

-

i love that walk home. i hear the words you spoke to me. i'm a changed person. i know i am. but, how can i ever forgive myself. each tear that falls down my cheek, ain't helping at all. and i can't believe it. i'll remember this night forever. thank you for saving me. thank you for pulling me out just as i took what i thought was my last breath. thanks for being there when i needed you. you've been by my side, and i thank you. i thank you for what i have. everything. what more do i actually need? what more.

anyways, from now on. i'm going to be that over-achiever. i'm going to work towards those things that actually matter in my life. please show me the way. i don't wanna be lost again.

-

today, has been one crazy day. i feel terrible. i mean, after drinking a mocha latte and i still feel so tired and shitty, but, i'm going to study tonight, no matter how late it is. i'm going to do good. i'm going to do all those things. i'm going to do it good. no matter what it is; i will succeed.

-

Take a bow, the night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Lights are low, the curtains down
There's no one here
[There's no one here, there's no one in the crowd]
Say your lines but do you feel them
Do you mean what you say when there's no one around
[no one around]
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star
[One lonely star you don't know who you are]

I've always been in love with you
[always with you]
I guess you've always known it's true
[you know it's true]
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-byeSay good-bye [bye bye],
say good-bye

Make them laugh, it comes so easy
When you get to the part
Where you're breaking my heart
[breaking my heart]
Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown
[Just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown]
Wish you well, I cannot stay
You deserve an award for the role that you played
[role that you played]
No more masquerade, you're one lonely star
[One lonely star and you don't know who you are]
I've always been in love with you
[always with you]
I guess you've always known it's true
[you know it's true]
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-byeSay good-bye [bye bye],
say good-bye

All the world is a stage
[world is a stage]
And everyone has their part
[has their part]
But how was I to know which way the story'd go
How was I to know you'd break
[You'd break, you'd break, you'd break]
You'd break my heart

I've always been in love with you
[I've always been in love with you]
Guess you've always known
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye

Say good-bye [bye bye],
say good-byeSay good-bye
-
now, this is what i call, a really, really, really disjointed post. well, if this don't make any sense at all to you. too bad. but, for those who do. good for you then. whatever.
-
i miss the both of you so much.
hope that you guys are doing alright.
i love you guys to the toes. ((:
manda.

cable cars and sunsets. the simplicity of it all. loves it.




okay, this reminds me of the extremely heated debate at school today. it was super duper fun! haha. okay. super random here.

today started off bad. i had a crazy arsed prick of a bus driver who demanded more bus fare. it's not that i can't give the money, and i would gladly give it to him if he didn't have such a nasty atitude. but he demanded it so roughly, that i was so pissed. well, not actually, but agitated. i mean, can't you see me wearing the awful piece of clothing that is my school uniform? but maybe, he is just in a bad mood cause he caught his wife and his bestfriend in bed together the night before and was just pissed cause he couldn't get in the action. dumbarse. and i didn't do anything to deserve that kinda treatment damnit. plus, if you had a lil hangover from the night before. idiot. i thought singapore was supposed to be promoting friendly service; "service with a smile" and what not. what if it so happens some tourists were up at that ungodly hour, wanting to explor singapore in it's dark, gloomy morning? what happened to the good old bus drivers who didn't give a damn, and i got this prick of a bus driver.

yeah, whatever.

my mama's birthday surprise bash was a complete success!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!

i love you to bits! i don't know how to live in a world without you. i love you. have a happy 76th birthday.

and you don't even look the part! HAHA. loves!

anyways, it was really fun. i had a great time. god man. aldon's like super tall now, just a year befor he was like shorter than me! i feel short. haha. alicia was a great person to talk to. got some stuff in common i guess. adrian, was kinda hilarious, with his constant competition of who's taller, him or aldon and tho alvan was like kinda anti-social, he was, how to say, like talkative once he opens up. see, i did my duties as a semi-hostess! ((:
oh yeah. aldon, you should never pluck your eyebrows again! you looked super gay, no offence tho. but, it's not fair! you're like super tall! and you're younger than me. you've really grown! hmn, alvan lost a tonne of weight, no pun intended; and adrian, well, i guess looks kinda like daniel ong, with the goatee and all. kinda cute i guess. no more blonde hair. HAHA.

the happy birthday girl. with the other oldsters. ((:


she should be, with not one but two ginormous cakes.


mama, my grand aunt, grand uncle, sister and i.
i love that topshop top!


mother and the retarded brother.


lish and i.
god, i look super unglam. the curse of the witch's chin.


the sister and i. after the party, having a few drinks; me that is.




elmo! ((:




forgive the smudged eyeliner. i was completely knackered.


-

today, was.. interesting. forgive me if i was a complete bug just now at coffee bean. i have positively no idea what come over me.

well i'm off to eat the leftover ice cream cake from yesterday and do my essay on marraige.

-

GOD! would someone please help me!! how much can you take? i've been putting you down for the last one hour!! can't you just give up!! i will never get back with you! i don't believe in that "patching" up nonsense! NEVER AGAIN THAT IS. someone help me... GOD. so persistant. damnit irritating. argh. and, i'm being super straightforward! how can i say so that it can get throught that dense head of yours? anyone has any sure-win suggestions? i'm about to cry soon; not literally, from all this pestering from him....... such an arse. there's only so much one person can take.

i'm off.